They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize