you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize