i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
