don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
