Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
