dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
