i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
