When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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