Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
