Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
