I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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