I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
