How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
