so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
