You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I didn't notice because vodka
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
