i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
