I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We left the knife in your bed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
