the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
