remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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