Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
