Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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