there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
