I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
