but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
