So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
