I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize