Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
