woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
