There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize