escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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