Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
