Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
