dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
