So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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