forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
