omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
