She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
