omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
