she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
