Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
