i love accidental penises.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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