Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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