Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize