She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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