I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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