my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
