ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
