You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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