i think i have two assholes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
