Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
