I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Drunk is not a location!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
