is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
