is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
