Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
