ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
