if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize