I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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