WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize