I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
