Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
