it's too hot outside to masturbate.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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