Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
