Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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