Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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