hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
