Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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