i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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