I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
