My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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