There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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