Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They took my balls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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