I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
