The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
