even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
